Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Date is Set!

My mother reminded me again over Sunday dinner that I need to get on the horn and schedule my hysterectomy/oophrectomy soon!  I needed that prodding, because I am very much dragging my feet.  This morning, I called Dr. Soisson's office and set up the surgery for FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14th!  It feels okay.  I'm glad I'm doing it.  My aunt is going through the last stages of ovarian cancer...I know that I have the power to avoid that path...and yet I drag my feet...

But today, I DID IT!  As I write those words and as I wrote the date on my calendar, tears build up.  I think that fear of the unknown is what holds me back.  I'll look back and say, "I am so happy that I had the courage to do that hard thing!"  I know I'll say that.  Right now, going through the "courageous steps" is the scariest thing I've done...maybe ever. 

When I was consulting with Dr. Soisson, I remember thinking that this was not the big surgery.  Since it wasn't cosmetic, it wasn't going to be that emotional as having my breast mastectomy and reconstruction.  Right now, it seems that this one IS the big surgery, since the side effects are so life-challenging (hot flashes, inability to sleep at night, loss of libido, short-temper).  Goodness!

"Goodness!" was the text that Dan sent me this morning when I texted him and my family that I had set the surgery date.  I know what he means...goodness!  What a game-changer.  I really need his patience and support.  His understanding is what is going to make this whole process livable.  It's either me alive with the inconveniences that these surgeries bring or it's me with cancer or gone.  I pray that the setbacks will not be as large and inconvenient as I imagine they could be.  I think I'll come through this okay and my daughters and son will find courage in my example.  Because, ultimately, I'm doing this so that I can be here for Dan and the children.  If I were a lone woman in the business world, there wouldn't be as much to live for.

My mother texted me back, "Finally!  Proud of u!"  That's what I need.  Encouragement, Reinforcement that I am making the right choices.

I am so going to need the help of everyone, SO GOING TO NEED THEIR LOVE AND PATIENCE!  I am very lucky to have such a wonderful husband and great parents and in-law-parents who will care for me and the children.  Thank goodness James is able to drink from a sippy cup!  I won't be able to lift him for a while.

It's going to be okay!

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