As a youth, the scant moments considering my future years were filled with visions of vibrance, a radiant glow, spending time with family, strong bones and health filled days. I think those days are still mine... that is what I am fighting for.
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Isak Dinesen shares "To be a person is to have a story to tell." And so it's my turn. For me to organize my thoughts, share my fears and gain strength from others, to be a resource for others fighting, but mostly for my husband and my children to know that mommy is fighting to be in their lives and to gift them strength when they need it most.
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I am BRCA2 Positive. I was pregnant with my second child when my mom was going through the aftermath of her third breast cancer. Her oncologist recommended she be screened for genetic mutations predisposing her to breast cancer. She was BRCA2 positive and urged us girls to be tested. My 2 sisters and I went to genetic counselors and were tested. My sisters do not carry the gene, so they won't pass it on to their children. My genetic counselor and I were sitting in her office and she asked me, "So, do you have an idea if you are positive or not?" I thought it was a question that was wasting time, but I guess she wanted to prep me somehow? I told her that I could very likely carry the gene, but didn't know. "You are positive....mlah, mlha, blah, mlha, mlah...for the BRCA2 breast cancer gene." I heard her speaking the words, but my mind was resting on "You are positive" and in 30 seconds, I was trying to figure out in my mind everything I needed to do, formulate a plan of what I was going to do.
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This ended up being my plan... put it off. I had been putting off the idea of getting breast cancer from day one. I was in 7th grade in Mrs. Armstrong's class at Hines Middle School, VA. Mrs. Armstrong wore a wig everyday. Later she became a great help to my mother and to me, speaking with my mom on the phone and making sure that I had friends to surround me.
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In the evening of my mother's diagnosis, mom and dad gathered us around them. They sat on the couch and I remember sitting in front of them on the floor of our modest home in Newport News, VA. I vaguely remember them telling us and we were all crying. I wonder if my younger siblings knew what they were upset about. My soul was shouting in protest, "No!, Not my mother!" Was she going to die? Would she be in a lot of pain? What would our lives be like now?
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Mom was amazing. Mom is still amazing. She is strength. We never really saw her sick or sad or knew when she was visiting the doctor for treatment. She made it so that our lives weren't really disrupted. She took us to piano, sports, scouts, church. She was even better than just amazing. I remember she played on the church women's basketball team, running down the court with her hands up holding down her wig that was held on by a sweatband. She was funny and made everyone comfortable. Mom was the stake young women's camp leader one year...she would walk greet us each morning at Sunrise Service with singing, chanting and her turban upon her head. One ward even did a skit where our friend Jessica wore a towel around her head acting like my mom as camp leader. Mom was great!
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I had my first child when I was 30. Dan had just finished grad school and was working now so I could stay home with our children. Would we have started having children earlier in our marriage if we had known about BRCA2? I think so. Two years ago I went to consult with an oncological gyn who suggested that it would be fine to go ahead with another pregnancy but that afterwards I needed to seriously consider getting the prophylactic hysterectomy/oophrectomy. He said he couldn't guarantee that I didn't get cancer before that, but he felt comfortable with that suggestion. We are so grateful for the little people in our lives. Now four months after the birth of our fourth child I am pulling my head out of the sand and starting the battle. January brought with it the new year's resolution of taking care of myself. The hefty sum that we deposited into this year's health savings account helped motivate me forward. I've had a long time to ponder on what I am going to do next. Even though I wonder sometimes about the extremity of the situation, I feel that I'm doing the right thing, the most logical action.
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Here we go...
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