Thursday, May 2, 2013

Nightmare

This afternoon my darling little 3 year old woke up from her nap with tears full of such sadness and fear.  "My dream was so scary!  Me and James were there and you were there.  And you were on a bus and you went away and you left us!  I didn't want you to go, but you just left us alone..."  I kissed her sweet, wet little eyes and held her close.  I told her, "I love you Forever!  I will never leave you!"
 
Even as I spoke those words, fear tightened around my heart and doubt seeped into the back of my mind..."Can you really say those words to her?  Does she understand that you might not be able to take care of her Forever "here" while she's still a little girl?"  I spoke those words to her over and over through her sobs anyway...creating a tangible resolve that I could hope for.
 
Even though I am grown with my own family, and can "take care of myself", I miss her so much!
We held the funeral services for my mother this month.  For weeks, I knew I was to speak, but I couldn't bring myself to be so "final" and write down the words...hanging on to time.  I was so worried and hopeful that the services would honor her and reflect all that she meant to us.  Really, everything was so lovely and turned out so well.  Down to the yellow plumeria lei that my Dad had brought in from Hawaii and laid over her casket.  Her favorite scent when they visited where Dad is from.
 
Thanks to my mother's insistance on going ahead with my mastectomy despite her circumstances, I am now in the 3 month waiting period from the time of my last "fill" to when I can have the surgery to replace my expanders with implants.  Even at the end of her life, she encouraged me and gave me courage. 

These expanders are really so rigid, it makes me laugh more than anything, just how they do NOT move.  I don't really mind them, though.  I am nervous and hopeful that my breasts will look great with the implants.  I worry sometimes about how it's just a thin layer of skin over the implant and amazed that my nipples and skin can have enough blood flow to be healthy.  I am grateful for expert surgeons, who are not only proficient and skilled, but have shown kindness, understanding and compassion.  They are helping me fight for my life...To be able to keep that promise to my little girl.
 
Linda Ann (Wargel) Keliipaakaua
1951-2013
 
Linda Ann (Wargel) Keliipaakaua, our dearest wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt and friend passed away at age 61 on March 27th after her fourth battle with cancer.
Linda was born in Evansville, Indiana as the third of seven children to Harold and Ermalinda Wargel.  She attended Mater De High School where she graduated in 1969.  From a young age, Linda loved to go on long walks and desired to travel and see the world.  She enlisted in the United States Air Force and played on the Women’s March Air Force Base and Strategic Air Command (SAC) Volleyball teams, where she met and married her coach and sweetheart, William Keliipaakaua.  After attending Brigham Young University together, they traveled the world with their family in conjunction with military assignments.  Linda devoted herself to raising their four children.  She worked endlessly to ensure that her family was cared for and that her children had opportunities to succeed at their goals.  She continued walking throughout her life as daily exercise and a meaningful way to share time with family.  Eventually, the family made southern Virginia their home.  Linda completed nursing school and worked at Eastern State Hospital, Mary Immaculate Hospital and then as an Operating Room (OR) nurse at Riverside Regional Medical Center.  Recently, Linda and Bill moved to Stansbury Park, Utah to be closer to their children and grandchildren.  Linda worked as an OR nurse at Mountain West Medical Center in Tooele, Utah.  She was truly a devoted wife, mother, grandmother and faithful daughter of Heavenly Father. Aloha oe, our beloved angel.
We are grateful for the professional and personal care provided by the physicians, nurses and staff in Virginia and Utah; most recently at the Intermountain Medical Center, Huntsman Cancer Institute and Harmony Home Health and Hospice.  We are so grateful to our loving and caring medical and Human Resources personnel and friends at Mountain West Medical Center; as well as to our neighbors and friends.
Linda is survived by her loving husband, Bill; her four children Lisa (Dan), Lorie (Jason), Leslie (Preston) and Adam; six grandchildren; mother, Ermalinda; siblings, Mary (Gordon), Donna (Barry), David (Carol), Ronnie, and Jim (Lisa).  She is preceded in death by her father, Harold; sister, Theresa; nephew, Craig; and infant granddaughter, Kayla.
A viewing will be held on ...Interment with military honors will be provided by the Hill Air Force Base and Tooele Veterans of Foreign Wars Honor Guards.  Linda (Veteran – U.S. Air Force) has always been grateful and proud of the service and sacrifices that our military personnel and their families render. 
In lieu of flowers, gifts and monetary donations, please share a walk with and express your love to your loved ones.  “To you, sweetheart,  Aloha until we meet again.  Aloha ‘oe, my kuuipo (sweetheart).”

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