Thursday, November 15, 2012

Impossible

Crouched down beside my grocery cart at the store, phone to my ear, with my 1 year old in the cart seat being such a patient boy...my mother shared the  news that the biopsy from her lung reported this is a new cancer not linked to her previous 3 breast cancers...and she has maybe a few months now.  Stage IV adenocarcinoma of the right lung.

Impossible!

Two weeks ago my parents were visiting my brother in Virginia and out on a morning walk when Mom started having stroke-like symptoms.  Her left arm was numb and her speech slurred.  Dad and my brother rushed her to the Fairfax Hospital.  They determined there were tumors and lesions in her brain, lungs and pelvis.  They were all thought to be secondary cancers from her previous breast cancers.  After overnight observation, my parents were able to get a flight out of Virginia back home.  It was a miracle because flights were canceled and full all down the East Coast from Hurricane Sandy.

The next day, she was up at Huntsman Cancer Institute...first, three weeks of radiation to the brain and then... more...chemo...  She had thought that when she moved here from VA two years ago, the oncologist at Huntsman had told her she didn't need to be seen anymore, but when she looked at her records last week, it showed that she was supposed to come back for monitoring every 6 months.  They really "reminded" me over and over that I should NEVER let anyone tell me that I don't need to be monitored since I have the BRCA2 gene.  This is kind of a gray area for me...I'm hoping insurance will still cover breast MRIs and mamograms each year.

It seems now that I can't get my mastectomy fast enough and it seems to crazy to me that right inbetween my prophylactic hysterectomy/oophrectomy and when I go in for the mastectomy that my mother is dying from our genetic predisposition right in front of me...

...and I feel helpless...

But I'm trying to think of EVERYTHING that we want to do with Mom before...
- So, I'm setting up family pictures (while she looks healthy) when the family is together for this Thanksgiving.
- I've started a "Family Question" each week, where I email my Mom, Dad and siblings and their spouses with a question.  Everyone hits "reply all" and we learn about each other over the miles of distance that separate us.  Questions like, "Tell me about your first job" (family history type questions) and "Share a favorite memory you have with Mom and a memory you have with Dad".  So far these have been really great to read!
- I'll videotape Mom and have her respond to some prepared questions.
- Attend the LDS temple together often as a family
- I think it would be nice to have her write a card for each of my children for their big events...baptism,12th birthday when they go into Young Womens at church, 16th birthday when they start to drive, 19th birthday when they can serve a mission for the LDS church, their wedding day, and when they have their first child.  It may be too much to ask if she's tired, but idealy it would be nice.
- We'll enjoy time together...like decorating Gingerbread homes together and going to see the Christmas lights at Temple Square.

WHAT ELSE?

She and my Dad are putting up a good front and pushing forward, but at times I hear the sorrow, the "unsure" about what the dying process will be like and the "unsure" of what life will be like without one another.  I feel the comfort of the Holy Ghost for me and in their journey together.  They know that because they have been faithful and have been sealed in the temple, we are able to be a family forever.  Mom isn't "afraid" of dying and now that it's such a prominent possibility, she ponders it more and is ready to experience life beyond the veil.  I know she's grateful that she has been able to raise her children to adulthood.  She and Dad have been such strong and committed partners to each other.  I'm grateful for the love that they share.  I am blessed to have such wonderful parents!

1 comment:

  1. Hi, I am very sorry about the news of your mom. I will be praying for you and for your family. I lost my mom to ovarian cancer. we're brca1 positive. I am 7 weeks post-hysterectomy...and 2 years post-mastectomy. Feel free to contact me with any questions, or just to talk.
    Rosie

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